Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Finding our own path

So P and I have been together for over 5 years now, and on our wedding day we will be one week away from the 6 year mark.  We've never broken up during those years, but we've definitely had our rough patches.
We met when we were taking on one of the hardest things we've both ever done, and we were both immersed in our jobs.  During our first two years together, we lived 2 1/2 hours apart, and saw each other about two weekends a month.  Our relationship really grew strong over those years, and when I was offered a job in St. Louis, we decided to move there together.  We lived together for one year in St. Louis, and it. was. hard.  He didn't have a steady job, and he was really unhappy.  I hated my new job, and I was struggling with what I wanted in our relationship.  It was not pretty, people.  So what did I do?  I applied to grad school and told him I was going in the fall.  He decided to apply to grad school as well, got in, and then we were ready to move.  But we did something that I think a lot of people didn't understand.  We decided not to live together.  For the first time, we lived in the same city, but in our own places.  And it was the best thing we could have done for our relationship.
Over the two years in grad school we both grew up a bit, and we were able to have really honest conversations about what we wanted and needed in our relationship.  We both needed to figure out what we wanted and needed before we could really strengthen our relationship.  We got engaged towards the end of those two years, and then moved across the country together.  This time we were ready, and living together has been amazing.
I know our story is a bit unconventional, I'm sure some people raised their eyebrows when we decided to live apart, but for us it was the right decision.  Now I don't have any doubts, and am so sure that I want this man to be my partner in life.  He's my family. 
Anyone else have a not so traditional relationship path?

1 comment:

  1. teach for america is ROUGH. any relationship that makes it out of TFA alive, is a strong one that will more than likely last. And nobody on the planet but people who have been through it could relate. We nearly broke up at the end of TFA. And like you guys, thought of staying together but living apart. for us, we decided to keep living together. We didn't break up because we knew we loved each other to the core, we just had to tackle all the bullshit on the surface to get there. it was a challenge at first. we had a lot of growing up to do, but luckily we made it through, and are stronger, better people because of it. we had to get our own personal shit together before we could get our relationship shit together. our path to getting married is unconventional. but it's honest. and i know our love is stronger than ever because of it. and there is no doubt in my mind that we can get through anything together. it's been a long relationship journey (7 YEARS!) but we're finally READY to get married. and are fully aware of what that commitment means. And we couldn't be more excited.


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