Thursday, March 11, 2010

Honoring loved ones at your wedding

So, in light of recent events, P and I are thinking about how to honor his uncle at our wedding, while still making it a joyous, celebratory occasion.  One thing that we are doing FOR SURE is toasting with a shot of drambuie at the reception.  It was something we did in his honor after the funeral, since it was his favorite drink.   While we were taking our shots we looked at each other and knew we would be doing the same thing for Uncle Ken at our wedding.
The one thing I am struggling with is how to honor him at the ceremony.  Do we have our officiant say something?  If so, what?
Also, I've heard of the idea of leaving a chair empty w/a flower on it, but I'm worried that would just make it more difficult on his aunt.

I'm open to ideas, throw 'em at me.


  1. We are recognizing our respective family matriachs in our ceremony. There is some language about this on my blog. I also like the idea of leaving a picture of them out on the welcome table or something.

  2. My dad died in 2003, and I have asked his sister to read Poppies by Mary Oliver as a poem of remembrance for the people we love who aren't with us. I also plan on carrying his photo on my bouquet. I may also list names in our program, along with Bryan's uncle who died last January.

    I may suggest inviting the aunt into the conversation, saying "we'd like to honor Uncle Ken, here are our ideas", and watch her body language, tone to see what she thinks.

    I've always found the empty chair to be really awkward. With a recent loss, I think there would be comfort is having people sitting right next to you.

  3. Now that we've both reflected on it, I agree, the empty chair is totally awkward. We want to surround our Aunt Barb with love, not single her out unintentionally.
    We decided we are going to do the shot of drambuie, do something similar to what acupcakewedding is doing during the ceremony, and have his aunt read one of our readings.

  4. I'm having our rabbi mention the people we wish were with us. I also have a list in the program. That way we feel like the people have a place in our day. We are also using my fiance's grandfather's tallis during our jewish ceremony


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