Friday, September 25, 2009

Giving myself away

One of the most difficult decisions I had to make for our wedding was what to do about the whole "giving away the bride" thing.  I have never been close with my father since my parents's divorce when I was 9.  I see him occasionally, less than once a year since I graduated from college, and he barely knows anything about me as a person.  He has met P once, and we've been together for 5 years. 
Having him give me away would be just for show and tradition.  It would feel entirely false to me, and would not reflect what we want our ceremony to be.  So I've decided to walk down the aisle alone. 
When I told my father, I decided to spin it as more of an "I'm a independent woman" thing, and less of a "you have no right giving me away" thing.  Unfortunately (and not surprisingly), he reacted very negatively and has since told us that he will not be attending our wedding and does not wish to have me in his life anymore. 

While it was difficult to hear that from him, I know now, more than ever, that I made the right decision.  Our wedding day is going to be about us and the people we love and care for most.  We are not going to do anything that doesn't feel right to us or reflect us as a couple. 

In a gesture that made both me and P cry, one of P's uncles offered to walk me down the aisle.  We are both close to him, and because he has been ill for quite some time, he is one of the reasons we decided on a Wisconsin wedding.  I thanked him profusely through my tears, but let him know that I am happy with the idea of giving myself away!

And it's not going to be as lonely as it sounds!  I am a very independent lady, and the idea of walking confidently towards my future husband and our life together thrills me.  It will be completely special for both of us.


  1. Wow. I haven't told my estranged father he won't be walking me down the aisle yet and I never imagined he might get that upset. But oh well. It sounds like you are handling it wonderfully.

    Here's to the independent ladies

  2. I know, I was completely floored. I thought that he must have expected it, but I guess not. It's great to know that there are other women going through this same thing.


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